Finding a World of Freedom

Perdita Palmer

22/11/2013

Money is freedom – so some say. But how does one define freedom?

Freedom. Think about it. It’s probably one of the most powerful concepts that determines, or in an abstract sense, surrounds politics, culture and humanity. Everyone strives for freedom but what are we actually striving for?

Some argue that education, opportunity, monetary gain in career success equals or enables freedom. But to do what? Travel? See the world? Revel in materialism? Does money provide reliable means by which to find, experience or succeed in love, self- satisfaction or pride? Money may enable one to access many aspects of life that everyone considers necessary or standard in order to conventionally or superficially ‘survive’ but whether one actually feels free or is free with any of these is a different matter. One might have more money than sense, but happiness, love, family, trust, honesty and satisfaction can never be guaranteed.

As the well known saying goes:

“When you are in the final days of your life, what will you want? Will you hug that college degree in the walnut frame? Will you ask to be carried out to the garage so you can sit in your car? Will you find comfort in reading your financial statement? No. What will matter then will be the people”.

You might be thinking: “what has this got to do with User Voice?” Well, a lot. User Voice and the people that have entered my life have taught me one of the most important and enlightening lessons of my life, so far. And I can tell you now that this lesson has changed the direction of my life in a rich and meaningful way that has left me feeling liberated, inspired, ambitious and free.

My journey has gone from conservatism, ignorance and boredom to freedom of thought, satisfaction and appreciation. Having had a very privileged upbringing, it is common of many of my peers to follow the expected timeline of life progression. So, you go from completion of secondary school, to university and into a job that reflects your desire to maintain and replicate the standard of living we are all used to. Yes, privilege, education and financial stability provides opportunity and freedom of choice but how free actually are we? It might sound strange but overwhelming opportunity is actually largely restricting. So much choice equals indecision, confusion and most profoundly dissatisfaction.

I feel as though many of my peers lack in education through experience because of the expected timeline progression. But the opportunities I have said yes to, have led me down a different path that now makes me feel detached from my familiar peers.

My journey began with the shock of someone close to me facing a long stretch in prison. This turned my life upside down and was the catalyst for my desire to become a successful defence barrister but also to enrich my life by understanding and appreciating the lives of others. My personal experience opened up a whole world of understanding but also frustration. The ignorance that fills society about many aspects of the criminal justice system and the people that pass through it infuriates me daily. I used to be one of those conservative bigots who at one stage would have supported an individual such as Chris Grayling. But tragedy happened to me, tragedy happened to my family and it’s not until it happens to you that you can then understand and appreciate other people’s stories.

This society is filled with so much superficial public discourse instilled by the powerful who more often than not have no idea what the people they are there to serve, face. In many ways, I wish I had remained in my bubble and had not experienced such a tragic situation. But in many other ways, I feel as though it has educated me in such a way that makes me cringe at the thought of how I would have lived my life. Before my journey began, I had no idea what I wanted to do but I was money motivated. I had no real passion in life apart from money. Without a specific passion to follow, I was on the brink of entering a career in headhunting/recruitment that would have filled my daily life with aggression, close mindedness and a vulgar desperation for the big pay cheque at the end of the month. How sad. And how lucky I am now to have escaped that.

It’s easy to hear about someone else’s story and have a momentary feeling of sympathy or compassion but how genuine and long lasting is it? My story, however tragic it has been has not even compared to some of the stories attached to some of the individuals I have got to know. But, because of what I have experienced so far, I can truly understand and appreciate the hardship that now inspires me.

Life isn’t about money. Of course you need money to survive but there is much more to life than materialism, the superficiality of relationships, the sick desire to appear a certain way or attempt to embody someone you are not. There are people in this world that have been at rock bottom and faced such tragedy in their life but had the individual strength to acknowledge it, face it, overcome it and carry it with them to save others. Many of these people I have met, I work alongside daily. To come from working in a corporate environment in the city, bored out of my brain, counting down the minutes until the day ends and feeling miserable, bored and so selfish to take for granted the ease and stability of my life compared to where I am now, is amazing. And it’s just the beginning. The moment I walk into my work place now, I can feel the electric passion that unites every single one of us. This is a feeling that I have been lucky enough to experience and learn about; I seek this continuation of satisfaction throughout my career and throughout my life.

Bigots exclude people who have been through the criminal justice system. People even look at me differently and want to dissociate themselves with me because I’m attached to someone in prison. But these individuals, I pity.

My life has taken a completely different direction than was expected, working with individuals who originally felt unfamiliar to me, but I’m proud.

I’m proud to be surrounded by people who are educated, ambitious and enriched with a pure understanding of life. There is no individual better than an ex – prisoner to be able to know and understand the true meaning of freedom. The thought of the raw sense of freedom upon release, a feeling that I have not personally experienced, is so powerful and challenges what most people’s definition of freedom is.

Call me pensive but the last two years of my life have awakened me and have made me a better person. The people I work with every day make me a better person. To have experienced such a transformation is heartwarming. A job shouldn’t be undertaken just for monetary gain. A direction in life shouldn’t be pursued just because it is expected of you or because it’s convenient.

I broke my socially expected rules and feel as though I have found freedom to now live my life.

The Pressures of Making a Quick Buck...

Peter Nzekwu
25/10/2013

I come from a place where most of the illegal activities I was involved in were usually done for one reason and one reason only...money! Immigration problems stopped me from working and making money legally so I had to find as many other ways of doing so as possible.

Understanding that most young people are confronted with situations unique to each person, and that that is what leads them into a life of crime, is very important.

Some offend for money, some offend to look cool and others offend just because they don't feel like there's anything better for them to do.

What it is that we need to get through to these young people is that: easy come, easy go!

Young people are very impressionable and will usually see something they like, admire or want, but underestimate how much actually needs to be done in order to achieve their goals.

The concept that anything worth doing is worth doing properly, is one that young people can greatly benefit from.

The key is not to expect too much of young people but rather to hope that they broaden their horizons, as they are still developing as a person and need room to learn from their own mistakes. 

The ones who are more mature in their attitude towards life and the idea of volunteering should, in my opinion, be rewarded for this with paid opportunities. Mainly because young people need financial stability just as much as adults.

Provide young people with more to gain and I guarantee our young people army grows faster than imagined.

'We are like a family, we look out for one another and work as a team, helping others have a voice'

Gail Bland

14/10/2013

My name is Gail, I am an ex-offender and I have worked for User Voice since January 2012 as a Programme Manager setting up and developing a service user council within probation. Also, I deliver a peer mentoring accredited training programme to service users who will then mentor other service users.

Employment for people with criminal records is very difficult especially in today’s current economic climate.  Employers seem to shy away from employing ex-offenders, very often their CV’s go straight in the bin; they don’t seem to be able to look beyond the offence.

I committed a crime 12 years ago and received a 12 month sentence suspended for 2 years.  My experience of probation back then was not a very good one, there was help available but the organisations giving this help and support only seemed interested in ticking a box to say that they had worked with an ex-offender, they often classed a conversation as support.  I often think what if User Voice had been around 10 years ago, personally I wish it had.  I have seen a change in probation's attitudes towards service users.

I was fortunate that I was able to keep my job after being given my sentence, my problems started when this organisation went into administration.  I was out of work for 2 years, applying for all sorts of jobs, the rejection was terrible, this left me feeling depressed and worthless.  When I did get an interview they focused on my offence, and then I heard nothing from them.

I was given a break by an old work colleague who knew all about my offence, this made me feel great again; it was with a charity that trained and gave work placements to ex-offenders and those coming to the end of their prison sentences.  At last a job to help others in a similar position, or so I thought.  Some members of staff gave me a hard time, they went to the board asking that I be finished as I had a criminal record how ironic when these were people supposedly helping offenders and ex-offenders, they did not get their way.  I will never ever forget that experience and don’t want to see others experience it.  I stuck it out and I left when I wanted to leave I did not let them force me out.

I am really privileged and honoured to work for User Voice, the staff all have a vast amount of experience, knowledge and passion and the one thing that really sticks out for me is nobody judges you, we are like a family we look out for one another and work as a team, helping others have a voice.  I love my job, and the service users I work with are fantastic, it's great to see them gaining confidence and belief and becoming stronger each day.  

'It's fair to say if you do the crime you do the time, but how the time is spent will determine whether or not they will serve further time in prison'

Tanayah Sam

09/10/2013

For the past 20 months I’ve had the privilege of being a Programme Manager for User Voice. 

I facilitate three Prison Councils, which requires me to work inside those establishments four days a week. The job at times can be challenging but even more rewarding. User Voice Prison Council is not just a means for Prisoners to have their voices heard, but also at times it has enabled prison staff to have their voices heard also. 

It’s been three years since I was released from prison having served a 9 year prison sentence. The irony of it is the jail for which I received the 9 year sentence is the jail I now spend two days a week in facilitating the User Voice Prison Council and its Director was the Governor of one the jails I served time in on that sentence.

Since my release I’ve always had a strong desire to be involved in an organisation that pushed for a service user response within the criminal justice system. Facilitating space for co-production, enabling the service user and service provider to have dialogue to create better opportunities for rehabilitation and showcase desistance. 

It’s fair to say if you do the crime you do the time. But how the time is spent for many will determine whether or not they will serve further time in prison in their future. Only offenders can stop offending so the service user should have a voice in how best services can provide a meaningful service to help them break the cycle. 

Poetic Justice

Shauna Dacres

30/08/2013

One wrong mistake took me out; I felt that I was drowning in the mist of my tears when the judge sentenced me to 5 years imprisonment. I felt this way because I saw my life flash before me. Every second, every minute, of every day, I felt that I wasted the last years of my teenage years being in prison and not doing anything remotely constructive. I remember I was put on a ‘Restorative Justice’ course: Sycamore Tree. I knew nothing about this; the only indication of what was meant by the word ‘restorative’ was to amend.

I started the course thinking that it would not benefit me. However, I found that it had helped me to help myself in dealing with the hurt and pain that I caused my family and me; I learnt to accept.

The course was designed to raise victim awareness and also to bring the offender face to face with the victim so that they could have their questions answered with an apology. This was a unique opportunity for the victim and the offender to communicate so they both could find closure and move forward.

During the course I found useful tools that would help me to understand how my actions can and would affect those around me.  For example, the ‘ripple’ effect, this was demonstrated by the offender dropping a coin in a pool of water which would then create ripples throughout the pool. The coin represented me and the ripples where my actions and each ripple got bigger as the coin sank.

From that day on my outlook on life changed, I had more consideration for others, I cared about what people felt or thought. Most of all I cared about what I had put my family thought. Desperately trying to gain the respect and trust from my family especially my mum, I made a conscious decision that when I left prison I would try my best to help young people from going to prison and wasting their teenage years, as I knew having been locked up day after day, and night after night. This was no life for a young person who hasn’t lived or seen the world. There was more to life than just sleeping, there was more to life than just 4 walls and a small window that I could hardly stick one leg out of. There was more to life than looking at walls with disturbing thoughts of previous prisoners.

I wished and hope for the day I walked to freedom, I wish for the words ‘you’re free to go’. I often thought to myself, once I’m free what as the future got in store for me? Will I ever find employment? Will they accept me for me? Will I ever put the past behind me and will I cope?

Lo and behold I was free, after serving a two and a half year sentence. Upon release I had set myself targets that would help me get back on track and start my life again. I was lucky enough to have the help of service providers who helped me find employment. I had been short listed to go for an interview for a social enterprise scheme CanDo Coffee, who wanted to offer employment to people who had been involved with the criminal justice system. I was happy for the opportunity of employment and because they cared to help those with a criminal conviction, and I accepted the position as a Coffee vendor. Unbeknown to me the work I wanted to get involved with was a stone’s throw away from me, at User Voice! This gave me the pleasure of working on the Youth Team as a Youth Engagement Coordinator. Carrying out the responsibility of this role has enabled me to help young people to engage in positive and meaningful activities. It also allows me to share the journey that I have been on at such a young age. If I can reach out to one individual and make a difference in their day to day life then for me it is job done.

User Voice has been the key to the windows that are my eyes

Rebecca Page
29/07/2013

User Voice has undoubtedly been the key to the windows that are my eyes!

I spent the best part of my working career which spanned over 13 years in a highly corporate, selfish, closed minded, ugly environment, where you either eat or be eaten. During my time within this industry I believed this environment was second to none. Everyone in it, including myself was superior to all others, and money and power was the answer to everything.

After perhaps 2 years in, the processes, policies, discipline and ‘take no prisoners’ (excuse the pun) mentality which bound me, were indeed almost like chains. At the time of course, I found this to be powerful, and people that worked for me often found themselves at the sharp end of my greed and zero tolerance. All because I wanted / needed / was told that I had to be the best. This ugly trait that was nurtured by this environment which conditioned me seemed to happen without me even realising. At the top and still climbing towards Regional Management – I single-handedly caused myself to fall and to lose everything.

That was just a snap shot of my life – then.  As a woman the journey I went on which brought me to the present day was undeniably shattering, together with insurmountable shame. Behind every offence whatever it may be there is always a deep and complex story which has components of pain, shame and disappointment in equal measures. I definitely felt all of these emotions. For me I literally
accepted my punishment and correction; I had my blinkers on, and perhaps unlike others I did not analyse anything at the time. I did what was required of me. It’s only when that episode of my life was finished that I really analysed and broke down every little detail of myself, my mind and general being, which allowed me to reflect, amend and change. Doing this whilst I was in this nightmare and almost surreal environment would have made me far too vulnerable.

A year and a half on, having been working for User Voice for one year now, I have found all that positive energy and friendly strength which I once knew before my corporate journey. The passion that encompasses every single member of the team (including myself) is electric, and full of warmth and understanding.  Additionally I have been able to transfer a lot of my skills I had gratefully learnt within my previous career (which were acutely identified by my manager Paula Harriott who I find truly inspirational). I like to think I bring a welcomed different dimension to the team, by managing our vastly experienced London based Programme Managers, as well as the delivery and implementation of all our London Projects.  The platform that User Voice provides every single day to people that are ready within themselves, and that do wish to make a difference to their own lives is priceless.

I wake up every day knowing that there is a real possibility that I or any member of the team will help someone to see that re-offending is a dead end, and equally potentially highlight to one of the many services that the time and effort they put in is not a waste. Re-offending can be reduced.

Only by ensuring that service users are involved in the decision making process will enable this to happen.

The impact that criminal convictions can have on employment prospects

Bob Ashford
15/07/2013

The first week I joined User Voice I went to a staff business development day. At the start of the day everyone introduced themselves and talked about their previous offences openly. This was unlike anything I had experienced before and when it came to myself I shared my background in Youth Offending teams and the Youth Justice Board from the delivery as opposed to the service user perspective. 

I did though share the two offences I had committed 46 years ago as a 13 year old- producing a mix of astonishment and wry amusement among the people there as the offences were so minor. Did they count I wondered?

Several months later I had to resign as the Police and Crime Commissioner candidate for Avon and Somerset because of those two offences. This was when it hit me that yes those offences did matter, and 46 years later were still capable of stopping me doing something I felt passionate about.

I then remember coming into the office just days after I resigned and was cheered by everyone for being so public and campaigning against the injustice which affects everyone with a criminal convictions.

Last week I found myself sharing the platform at the Criminal Justice Conference 2013 with Jude Jubey, a young man who has been a member of Southwark Youth Advisory Group which has been facilitated by User Voice. The subject was the impact that criminal convictions can have on employment prospects. 

Jude spoke eloquently on his own experiences as a young black guy from Southwark, the problems he had and the aspirations he held. I then spoke, a middle aged, middle class white guy, on my experiences and those of the many hundreds who have contacted me with their own personal stories which have come about as result of their criminal convictions. 

The contrast couldn't have been greater between the two of us, and yet in many ways the thing that joined us together, and the many others who weren't in that room, is the way society sees the offence and not the individual behind that offence. 

That is the real tragedy and why together with User Voice we are challenging and changing perceptions and practice. That’s why it means so much to me to be a part of the team.